If They Can't Have Bread...

Seems you lot (read: two people) can't seem to leave (anonymous) comments. It's to protect me from spammers, see. I'm not to blame. So...looks like you will have to sign up for OpenID (on http://www.myopenid.com). Hmmmm...or perhaps a move is in order...will get back to you on this.
Until then,

Love,

Joe

New Musical Express called it “the best thing he’s ever put his name to.” (And you can’t mess with that, can you? Come on, its NME!)

Well, as you may well know by now, (if you haven’t read my past few entries, please take some time to wander off this beaten track, venture down the road less travelled to the bottom and work your way up), The Rob is a highly influential figure in my life. I've spent most of my life adoring him, having been a huge Take That fan since I was 10 or so. (my sis and I used to have a “compilation of our lives,” a list of songs we had to get on one CD/ video tape, and always we would have Take That somewhere on it…mmm…Everything Changes…but that’s for a later stage when I run out of things to say and my mind encounters fluff and crumbs posing as ideas in my mind…idea imposters…)

Anyway, I know that the international public, if you want to give those Arses a Collective Name, have mocked, mangled and stained with laughter his album, Rudebox, which had depressed me no end, seeing as I was all early-adopterish about it. But, as is usual with our Mr Williams, people underestimate him, then slowly come to the realisation that he is actually incapable of producing crap. The album debuted at the top of the European charts, as well as the charts in Australia, United Kingdom, Germany Austria, Italy, Switzerland Denmark and Finland. He also has the most numbers ones in the UK charts, alongside David Bowie and just behind Elvis. Ha, take that, Robbie Cynics. (Sorry for that pun, it just fell out my mouth. Didn’t even ask permission to move past my epiglottis, bloody wayward phrase).

Rudebox is the album Robbie said he’s always wanted to make, a collection of songs that he would listen to, all his musical aspirations come true. Yes, people have been quick to judge the song "Rudebox." My bro seems to think the line "make your body shape like you stepped on a landmine" is insensitive and destructive to all the good work Princess Diana has put into mine clearance. My sister thinks it's a letdown in terms of all his other work. But my sis likes Shayne Ward. 'Nuff said. (sorry, Serina).

One critic proclaimed it bonkers. (What a compliment!). Some guy from somewhere (you can see how much I care for his opinion) said "Rudebox" was the worst song he's ever heard. (Come on, the worst? So you're saying you liked The Cheeky/Ketchup Girls?) Another begrudgingly stated that perhaps we had been a bit too hasty in lambasting it…
We shouldn’t be surprised, stunned or staggered by the stark-raving-madness of the album. Isn’t that what we’ve come to expect of The Rob? Does he not always promise to give us the fresh, the new, the unheard and unthought of? He says Rudebox "is a case of give them what they don’t know they want yet.” I am unequivocally sure that there will be plenty, yes, plenty, of people imitating him in the near future, all of them trying to achieve that "Rudebox" sound.

What do I think of the album? It’s bloody brilliant. So bloody brilliant it...bleeds with brilliancy and luminosity. From "Rudebox" to "King of Bongo" to the bonus "Dickhead," it's a mash of genius moments and methodic madness. I know, I'm biased, but I can say it's the most refreshing thing you will hear for a while yet. OK, that sentence is probably grammatically wrong, but who cares, I'm talking about Rob. Everything makes sense when it comes to him. :)

Next: an elaboration on "Rudebox"...

Love

Joe

Robbie has collaborated with filmmakers to create original short films using seven tracks from his new and damn-lovely RUDEBOX.

For the 8th track, "The 80s" he asked us, the Robbie-adoring public, to submit a little somethin-somethin using part or all of the song.

Here in South Africa, Bevan Cullinan (he of the unruly red hair) and his producer Gary have shot and submitted a film called, "Like a Hooligan." The video features Bev, and friends James Cairns and Chris Forrest (love him) stretching, leaping and spinning in gym outfits :) You can imagine them in leopard-print leotards and sweatbands...very Jennifer Beales. We also get to see them generally behaving like...well...hooligans.



I've seen it and voted for it already, and I was hoping I could persuade you lot to vote for it, too. The actual vote is not important; it's the rating you give it (from 1 to 5) that will assist the judges (yes, there are judges) in deciding which is the best. The judges are looking for videos with a rating between 3 and 5. Here's how to vote:

1. Visit http://www.robbiewilliams.com/rudeboxshorts.
2. Register you profile on the website by clicking "Register"
3. You will receive an e-mail that contains a link that verifies your status as a registered member. Click on the link and then login.
4. Click on "Watch videos and vote" on your right, and look for "Like A Hooligan." The voting bar is to the right of the screen, and it would be nice if you gave it 4 or 5.

A tangential aside (as Tamar would say): A video submitted by a filmmaker named “Sarah now” has invited much controversy from voters and other filmmakers. It really doesn’t do justice to “The 80s” yet it has garnered a high score of 4.20, the highest of all the videos. I’ve seen it, and can’t quite seem to see why it’s done so well. There’s no cohesion between shots (which screamed amateur/dilettante filmmaking) and no narrative structure to speak of. Hmm, crazy shadows dancing on a shed-like backdrop, a boy wearing foil bling, a bicycle close-up and an overhead shot of three ceramic kettles does not a winning video make. (Granted, one of the kettles does say Red Lion pub). Perhaps the concept was lost on me. I just didn’t get it. There have also been complaints that the voting is somewhat bogus; if you vote “1”, it actually raises the score by more than an actual point, hence the high score. So if you hate it, vote “2”, as that would be a true reflection of the video’s worth. Furthermore, this filmmaker apparently has her whole village signed up and voting for her! Talk about marketing yourself...I’m not sabotaging the video. Rob and his group of experienced judges have the final say in who wins the ₤7500 prize, so I doubt my opinion will do much damage.

I know I often ask you to vote for things. I have no life, except to tell people to vote for arb things. But I believe if you’re not voting in the government elections, you have enough time to vote for entertainment purposes. Anyway, please vote 3, 4 or 5 for “Like A Hooligan,” if you really like it. As the guys themselves said, if you vote 4 or 5 they will “love you long time.”

Love you long time.

Joe

As you can see above, my blog/journal is worth a paltry $564.54. Is it because this is Livejournal? If I was on Blogger, would I be more valuable?

I think so. I checked the blog addresses of friends, and they have blogs worth THOUSANDS of dollars. :( I'm not a covetous person, but...


$564, 54.


$564, 54.

That doesn't even cover the cost of the cakes and sweets in the banner above! And what about lights, electricity for my stoves and baking appliances, ingredients (and I don't skimp with ingredients)...

Does this mean the end of my little blog pattisserie? Does this mean no more eclair-sized thoughts, no more gateaux-worthy comments? Will I have to move to a more affluent area (ie: Blogger)? And condemn my delicacies to a life of obscurity in Blogger's boring templates?

No. I shall NOT replace butter with margarine, eggs with baking soda and lemon, and full-cream milk with skimmed. I shall remain here at my humble yet warm and scrumptious dwelling, though visitors be few. To those who drop in from time to time, I hope my little cupcake philosophies have fulfilled every cavity-inducing desire you may have had, and helped heal and firm any crumpetty-textured emotion within. You love me, despite my poor financial demeanour, and so too, do I, return that love, in luscious waves of custard and chocolate sauce.

Love and Burfee ice-cream,

Joe

OK, just wanted to say happy birthday to my friend Sam, who turned 22 yesterday. I don't know if you'll ever visit this journal, seeing as all my friends, bar a few, have decided that Joe's journal ain't that hot and exciting. But I hope you had the mother of all birthdays, and hope you're ready for your next paper! Wishing you the best, and we will most definitely see you during the hols :)

Love

Joe

I love headlines that get straight to the point, don't you?

This car was spotted in June last year in the underground parking of the Golden Horse Casino/Hotel. He was casually hangin' out with his homies, (a few other vintage vehicles), and I, ever the car enthusiast ("Look at those spinners!"), decided to "get to snappin'!" with my camera.





I have plenty more of these. I saw a purple truck, and a cool white car, and a Knight-Rider-esque blue car with orange vinyl stripes blazing a trail on either side. As you can tell, I have no idea what the models of these cars were. (I can't see too clearly in this photo, either). I didn't really pay attention to those details; I prefer saying, "Ooh, I saw this amazing car today; it was so fast!" and "We have a blue car and a silver car."

I'm just playin' with ya. I do know a bit about driving cars, for example: don't rest your hand on the gear; don't keep your foot on the clutch unnecessarily, etc. Ok, that's only two things...

I do know I love VWs. (I have a crush on the Beetle :) And I love the Citi range, like the Chico. It is one of the fastest light vehicles around; takeoff is almost immmediate (well, not so much for me; I am a slow driver) and it's fuel efficient. And VW sell the most affordable car parts in its market (Golf and Polo) according to the Kinsey report. (Go to www.motoring.co.za). So all in all, they are the shite.

OK, so I don't know what torque is. Big fat hairy deal (reference: Garfield).

Love

Joe (Moody Joe)

Well, I been a-thinking...and I been a-thinking reeeaal hard...

Do you think I should change this here juhnil's look? I mean the colours 'n the layout and such. This be a hard decision to make, what with all them shiney juhnils out there, looking pretty damn good-looking, with them links n' counters 'n all. 'N I really lurve my cuhnfectionries at the top...not too sure I wanna let go-a those yet...But I sure am bored now. Need me a change-a scenery...

I be in a situation now. Jest tell me what you folks think, I'd be mighty grateful to ya. Don't fuhget t'eat ya grits like ya mama told you, boi. 'N don't be shy; I like you Injuns visitin my ranch; I'm half Injun on my mama's side...

From

Joe the Kid

Owner, The Jewel Corral

I don't have the patience to wait for photos to download. Which is why I've never added any here. Until now, that is...





This is a picture of the flowers given to me by Qdee on my birthday last year...I showed my gratitude by crying, right there in her living room...I'm so weak...
Anyhoo, these roses were the best I've ever had; they lasted over two weeks! They were plump and full of life the whole time, and I kept smiling at it. It had to be Qdee's magic...:) She's my angel, she is!

I hope you like them, and don't diss them the way I tend to diss pictures of kittens in baskets and dogs in toilet bowls...


Love,

Joe

OK, so her birthday's on Saturday. But I wanna say it now!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SERINA!!!

Caaaan you imagine, caaan you imaaaagine, we've been friends since those days, ma girl!!!Since those days!!! Eish, we were lyties back then! Ooh, and we thought we knew eeeeverything! But we didn't know what was cutting! ;) Telling the other girls to tighten their belts, fold their socks, confiscating silver hairclips! Standing in the corridor flanking the hall, guarding the blue lockers, checking out the girls meticulously as we ate lunch at 7AM, keeping an eye out in case Audrey or Mrs Simjee came round to check if we were at our duty points, finishing last night's physics homework (under your tutelage, might I add...Physics/Chemistry Queen...)

Those were the days, man.

Sorry for the strange yelling above; I was trying to invoke Raheel, or, at most, the boring version of a DGSS girl, but it went awry somewhere...:)

So I've known you since '98, the year of adjustment, confusion and new friends, and I remember one of our first conversations....

(STAGE: SWIRLS OF SMOKE AND AN UNTUNED(?) HARP PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND. AS THE NOTES FADE THE SMOKE CLEARS. WE SEE A SCHOOL BENCH, TWO GIRLS IN GOVERNMENT-COMPLIANT WHITE SCHOOL DRESSES AND NAVY TIES. BOTH LOOK A LITTLE SHIFTY; NOT "I NEED TO PEE" SHIFTY, BUT "I'M KINDA NEW AND AWKWARD AND NERDY' SHIFTY)

SERINA: So, um, what...kinda music...do you listen to?

JOE: Well...(pauses, then continues haughtily) I'm into Britpop...you know...a bit of Blur, a hint of Oasis, some Pulp and what have you...

SERINA: (excitedly) Oh wow, I like all of them, too!

JOE: (clearly taken aback) Oh, you do?

SERINA: Ya, man! And the Manic Street Preachers, too!

JOE: (thinks, realises she's not as hot as she thinks she is)...um...cool. so...do you like the Spice Girls? Geri's my fave (smiles idiotically)

And of course, you were just as mad about the Spice Girls as I was:) We used to sing Spice Girls songs in home economics, and Mrs Amla would evil-eye us and disappear into her world of baking powder and rusty sifters (ie: the pantry/storage room). And you would bring the latest copy of Smash Hits and we'd practically rip it apart in our boyless eagerness ("Ooh, it's Robbie! Aah,It's Mark Owen! Ohmygawd Rich5 is so fit! I don't care what everyone else says, I think Damon Albarn is HOT...") And I can firmly say, without a smidgen of doubt, that I've only ever seen you cry once. Standard 9, and you had had an argument with your ma...but by the next day everything had sorted itself out and you were smiling and helping people balance chemical equations and eating your chips/pies...See, I remember these things...:)

I am so lucky, Serina, to have shared such important and special times in my life with you. God knows you made it easier, especially on the days I thought I didn't deserve to exist. This sounds strange, but you always made me feel a bit "high class" whenever I was around you, lol. And you still do. An example: Your chemistry friends always look at me as if I bring the whole human sciences faculty+university admin along whenever I visit you. As if my presence is destroying the purity of their titrations. But they tolerate me, cos I'm your friend, and Serina's a class act, and she wouldn't be associating with mere newsprint, so maybe this loud bespectacled girl actually has some value...:) sorry if my grammar's all over the place; you know how often I misplace things :)

But, back to the birthday...it is your double crown (as I like to call it) and I know there's still so much more fun ahead for all of us. Oh, and I know you're going to scream madly at the concert (Damn, I'm going to miss Will :( always had a soft spot for him. And tell Ronan thanks for nothing on my sister's behalf...)Be careful; two weekends in a row spent screaming for the attention of gorgeous men...gotta take care-a those cords...:)

Love

Joe Mad Joe and the Child-Bearing Hips ( My new band:D )

This Dessert Poem was written by one of my best friends. I hate mentioning names. Basil Hallward, in "The Picture of Dorian Gray," said, "When I like people immensely I never tell their names to anyone. It is like surrendering a part of them." Well, I have mentioned friends names quite often on this here blog, but I don't feel like it today. So, just accept this as a no-name brand poem. The poet knows who he/she is. :)

DESSERT POEM

I miss you girl, like a chocolate twirl
A dash of cream, a caramel dream.
Two scoops of pudding, two servings of nob
And for dessert, one great helping of Rob.

OK, don't ask me about the "nob" bit. I didn't write it. I suppose I should be disgusted. But I've grown so used to the poet's obscene sense of humour I didn't even bat an eyelid when I read it. Oh well. The dessert idea goes with the theme of this journal. :)

Love

Joe